You're my little dorito
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
