I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she looked like the before picture.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
