did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
