No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
