let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize