Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
