I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
