oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
