It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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