You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I touched a dick in church today
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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