addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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