if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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