We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
