I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
