are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
