new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
