he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
