ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
