So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
