How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
if only i could text you this smell
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
