I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
