Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
