dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
