i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
