I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
