also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
