I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
