Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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