I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
