heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
