i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
