i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
