Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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