with your own penis?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
