Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
