i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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