I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
