Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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