The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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