The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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