so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
