u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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