She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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