if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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