So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
