Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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