Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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