if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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