oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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