my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize