I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
