Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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