You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
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The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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