Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
