This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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