So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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