as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
