Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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