he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
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I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
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I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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