U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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