So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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