Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
