i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
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I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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