it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
