As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
